Winter Sunlight

Fic-a-thon story #3: Blind Justice (2 of 2)

Continuing on from Part One...




Elizabeth had begun to feel as if she were speaking to an audience of one: herself. Rodney didn't show any awareness of her presence, and the Voice of Judgment had been completely silent.

In the middle of explaining the circumstances surrounding Gaul and Abrams' deaths, she broke off and asked, "Is any of this helping, at all?"

"The loyalty that you exhibit towards the Accused is helpful, indeed. But there is still no doubt of his guilt."

As she'd feared. "What about the facts? The facts indicate clearly that he's not guilty of anything you've charged him with. I can present evidence to back up my words -- photos, records, the testimony of others."

"The Accused continues to maintain his own guilt. Next to this, your 'facts' hold little weight."

This was starting to tick her off just a little bit, not just the Voice of Judgment's condescension, but also Rodney's obstinate insistence on his own guilt in the face of all evidence to the contrary. Darn it, Rodney, a little cooperation would be nice here! "Could I speak to the Accused?"

"You may."

She approached the glass cage, and this time, no invisible wall stopped her. Coming to stand before the dais, Elizabeth tilted her head back and looked up at him. This close, she could see that he was very pale, with fine lines of exhaustion on his face. "Rodney?"

The eyes blinked, opened. He tilted his head to look down at her with a faintly quizzical expression. "Elizabeth. Hi." He started to raise a hand in a little wave, stopped with a wince as it bumped into the spikes. Despite the apparent solidity of the glass, his voice didn't sound at all muffled, and Elizabeth reminded herself that this was probably some sort of VR simulation and not reality at all.

"Hi, Rodney." After twenty-four hours of thinking that he was dead, she supposed that she should be feeling a lot more relief at being able to talk to him. But the desperate need to get out of this place overrode all other concerns. "Do you know what's happening to you? Where you are?"

He smiled crookedly. "Sure. I'm dreaming. I have dreams like this all the time."

"Like this?" she repeated, stunned.

"Well ... the specifics are different ..." He looked around the room, then down at the glass spikes ringing his body, and back to her. "And you're not usually alive in the ones that involve you. So having you here, defending me, rather than bleeding to death or getting gang-raped by Genii or something, is kind of a nice touch." The crooked smile touched his mouth again.

"Rodney, it's not a dream."

"That's what my figments of imagination always say." He sighed. "Well, no ... more often they say 'Rodney, save us' or 'Help' or 'Aargh' or various other noises that people make while they're being gutted by Genii and sucked dry by Wraith. But I did have a really odd nightmare, a couple of weeks ago, in which I spent the whole time arguing with the corpse of Sheppard over whether it was a dream or not. I seem to recall that just as we'd reach some kind of agreement, he'd change sides. Trust him to be disagreeable even when he's dead. He was even bleeding in an obnoxious kind of way." He swallowed convulsively. "Lots of blood. Lots and lots of it."

Elizabeth realized that she had never, ever wanted to know this much about what went on inside Rodney's head. Caught between pity and horror, all she could think was, Thank God John's not here. Rodney'd never survive the embarrassment.

"Rodney, listen to me. This is not one of your nightmares; it's really happening. You're here, I'm here, and we're walking out of here together."

"Oh great, it's a self-help dream. That's what I get for actually going and talking to Kate after the whole Sheppard-Wraith fiasco like someone ordered me to. Now I'm dreaming psychoanalysis. If my mother walks through that door next, I'm outta here. Except ..." He glanced around with a nervous, trapped look. "This is turning out to be one of those dreams that's hard to wake up from. I hate those. They're not quite as bad as the ones where you think you woke up for real and then the Wraith start pouring in from the ceiling or whatever ... but, they're almost as bad. I'm always afraid that one of these days, I'm not going to wake up from one of them."

"Rodney, seriously, you won't wake up from this one if you don't listen to me."

"Ha! Threaten me, will you? Bad figment, very bad imaginary Elizabeth." He tried to cross his arms and bumped into the spikes again. "Ow."

Elizabeth's pre-existing fatigue headache was starting to be joined by the distinctive stabbing pains of an oncoming Rodney headache. As much as she hated to admit it, this was the sort of situation at which John excelled. All the character traits that made him a lousy diplomat also made him a world-class Rodney wrangler. What would John do? Probably say something insulting and utterly wrong for the situation, which would work like a charm.

She wondered, briefly, if it might be possible to wake up and ask John for his advice. At the very least, it would be nice to reassure him that both his friends hadn't died. But she was terrified to try -- afraid to leave Rodney alone, for fear that she might not be able to get back in, and equally afraid that it might not work at all, and she would be trapped here until her body in the real world died for good. It was, ironically, more comforting to have the uncertainty than to know for certain that she was stuck.

"Rodney, we all know you're a genius, so you tell me: is there any way that I can prove to you that you aren't dreaming?"

"Hmm." His eyes immediately got the faraway look that she recognized. "That's an interesting question. Objectively, I don't think it's possible. There's no way to trust your perceptions in dreams, you see. I mean, theoretically as a figment of my imagination you should know only the things I know, so I could ask you to tell me something I don't know; say, give me a Unified Field Theory that works --"

"Or perhaps something else that I might conceivably know," Elizabeth said, covering a grin.

"Yes, yes, whatever. The point is -- ow! --" He kept trying to punctuate his words with hand gestures, inevitably batting his hands into the spikes surrounding him. "The point is, dreams are all about making random and unexpected connections in your brain, but what you learn isn't necessarily -- ow! -- real. I once dreamed a set of detailed plans for building a perpetual motion machine out of vacuum cleaner parts. It did not, of course, actually work -- and yes, I tried it. I could ask you to tell me anything I don't know, such as your father's name or your favorite flavor of ice cream or some such useless trivia, but I have no way to know if what you tell me is actually real or just some -- ow! -- something that my brain regurgitated due to a random neuron firing."

"So there's no way to prove it."

He looked irritated, sucking on a scratch on the back of his hand. "I believe I just said that, yes."

Elizabeth folded her arms as inspiration struck her. "So why not believe me, then?"

"What?"

"You can't prove it's a dream, and I can't prove that it's not. If you believe me that it's not a dream, and I turn out to be wrong, then you haven't lost anything. However, if you assume that I'm wrong and I turn out to be right, then you'll die. So doesn't it make sense to take the option that's most likely to result in the best outcome?" She couldn't help feeling inordinately pleased with herself. Hanging around ridiculously smart people all day long was bound to come in handy sooner or later.

He stared at her thoughtfully. "That ... actually makes sense, in a way. The only way in which it doesn't make sense is that you can't expect me to believe in the considerably less likely option simply because the outcome would be better for me. And that's kinda the deal-breaker there ..."

"Rodney, after everything you've seen in the Pegasus Galaxy, do you mean to tell me you find it unlikely that an alien entity would hold you captive and put you on trial because of your ATA gene?"

He squirmed a bit. "Well, if you twist it around like that, of course ..."

The warm, omnipresent voice spoke out of the air. "Advocate, are you satisfied?"

"No!" she said quickly. "Give me a minute. We're not done talking."

Despite her better judgment, she scrambled up onto the dais and, cautiously, pressed her hands against Rodney's glass cage. She halfway expected to receive a shock or something similar, but nothing happened. It was slightly warm to the touch, almost the same temperature as human skin. Rodney watched her nervously, separated from her by only about a foot or so. "Hey, Elizabeth, personal space issues here ..."

"If it's a dream, Rodney, what do you have to lose?" She ran her hands over the smooth surface of his enclosure, then bent down to check around the base. It was nearly form-fitting, giving him only a few inches of space to move in any direction, and seemed to rise directly out of the stone.

Rodney craned his neck, trying to follow her with his eyes. "Er, what are you doing, if I might ask?"

"Finding a way to get you out of here."

"I'm touched, Elizabeth, believe me, but don't worry about it; I'm fine. I'm used to claustrophobia dreams. I have a lot of those, too. And there seems to be plenty of air in here."

"There's more at stake than that, Rodney," Elizabeth said shortly as she examined the floor for any sort of release mechanism. There was nothing.

The Voice of Judgment spoke again. "The Advocate will refrain from interfering with the Accused's confinement."

Elizabeth was starting to reach her snapping point, and she retorted without looking up, "The Advocate is having a bad day and is highly annoyed that the 'Accused' has been detained without cause. I believe that -- ah!"

She broke off with a sharp gasp as the world wavered around her. When it solidified, she found herself enclosed in a transparent prison like Rodney's, standing at the opposite edge of the dais and facing him. Rodney was staring at her with round, shocked blue eyes.

Elizabeth closed her own eyes for a moment, calming herself and controlling her racing heart. You brought this on yourself, Elizabeth. You knew better than to lose your temper. But that damned machine has tangled with the wrong set of people this time.

"Elizabeth? Are you all right?" Rodney was saying anxiously.

"I'm fine, Rodney." She opened her eyes again and stared across the space between them. "Voice of Judgment, this is not acceptable."

"You were asked not to interfere with the Accused, yet continued with your incorrect course of action," the Voice said, unperturbed. "Stronger measures were necessary. You may perform your Advocate duties adequately while confined."

Elizabeth shifted carefully within her glass cage to clasp her hands behind her back, to stop them from trembling with anger. "Voice, I would like to speak to whoever is in charge here. We are visitors from a distant world who have been detained against our will. I have tried to argue my friend's case, but it hasn't been made clear to me how I'm supposed to proceed or what sort of evidence I'm supposed to present. You expect me to play by your rules, but don't tell me what the rules are. I demand to speak to an authority figure."

"There is no authority in this place aside from us," the Voice of Judgment said. "We exist to judge. We judge to exist."

"I really wonder about my own psyche sometimes," Rodney mused, loudly. "As dreams go, this one is getting really, truly bizarre. I'm about ready to wake up now."

Ignoring him, the Voice continued: "If the Advocate is finished presenting evidence, then the judging and sentencing phase of the trial will --"

"Wait!" Elizabeth snapped. "What do you mean, evidence? You haven't given me a chance to present any!"

"You have been given a fair opportunity --"

"No, I have not! You refuse to tell me what sort of evidence is accepted by this court; you only tell me that mine is inadequate. How is guilt or innocence determined here?"

"By assessing the mind of the Accused, and reading guilt therein," the Voice spoke promptly.

"Oh please," Rodney snapped, apparently forgetting that he was arguing with a supposed figment of his imagination. Of course, knowing Rodney, that probably wouldn't have stopped him anyway. "I don't feel guilty for anything, so can we all just wake up now?"

"You are lying," the Voice informed him. "And you know that you are lying."

Rodney shut up as if someone had slapped a gag over his mouth. In the one glance that Elizabeth got of him, she could see far too much revealed on his expressive face; she felt like an intruder, and looked quickly away. Since the Voice was not physically present, or at least not visible if it was, she focused her attention on the ceiling. "Then why do you bother having an Advocate at all? What is the point?"

"The purpose of the Advocate is to cause the Accused to examine their actions and revise their future behavior accordingly. It is best if the Advocate is someone who has been wronged by the Accused. But it is not required."

Elizabeth's jaw dropped. "Wait -- in this court, the person on trial is supposed to be represented by the one who's bringing charges against them? How is that supposed to work?"

"We do not understand what you mean by 'charges'. We have examined the concept in your mind and found it inapplicable to this court. Guilt and innocence are determined through examination of the Accused's thoughts and motives, not through the examination of external events, which are subject to individual interpretation."

That actually ... almost made sense, in an alien kind of way. "So the purpose of the Advocate is to ...?"

"To assist the court and the Accused in examining the thoughts and motives of the Accused to determine if guilt is justified and what corrective action, if any, is required."

Elizabeth blinked. "You could have told me that in the first place!"

"You appeared to understand the process. We did not realize this was not the case. Your emotions are simple for us, but your thought patterns are more difficult."

She gestured at Rodney, flinching as her hand brushed the spikes lining her prison, drawing a bead of blood. "Yet you claim to be able to read our minds. You've found him guilty and found my 'evidence' insufficient on the basis of mind-reading that you admit is inadequate!"

"His guilt is very clear. We are able to follow the threads of specific thoughts; it is the whole that is hard for us. Your thoughts are a complex tapestry."

Elizabeth smiled slightly, and allowed a sharp edge of sarcasm to harden her voice. "Why, thank you, Voice." The smile fell away. "I ask you again: how can you be certain enough of your own infallibility to condemn a man based on an imperfect ability to read his mind?"

"His guilt is strong; his crimes are many. We are able to see this clearly."

And again they circled around to this. "I told you before. He has committed no crimes."

"He disagrees with you."

Elizabeth looked over at Rodney, who was staring at his feet. This would be so simple if she could just say, Rodney, stop feeling guilty. Arcturus? Not your fault. Gaul? Not your fault. Collins, Dumais, Grodin? Not your fault. But humans were not that easy to fix. She felt a hard pang of sympathy for Kate. Diplomacy between nations was easy, compared to resolving the sort of disputes that occurred within an individual human heart.

"How much time do I have, to, um, help him examine his thoughts and motives?" To convince him that it's not his fault.

"As much time as is required. Justice in this court will not be rushed. Your body will remain perfectly preserved and ready for your return, as long as it is not removed from the place of judging. Once you return, however, the trial will be completed and the judgment rendered."

Well ... that was good and bad. Good because it did sound as if they'd be able to go back easily, assuming she could convince Rodney to come back with her. Bad because every minute they were in here was another minute Sheppard stood alone against the combined pressure of his friends, subordinates and fellow Atlanteans -- the people who, with the best intentions in the world, would try to take her body and Rodney's back to Atlantis. And it meant that she couldn't go back to reassure John, or anyone else, that they were both still alive.

Damn, John. I'm sorry. Please be strong for us.

Elizabeth drew a long, slow breath, closing her eyes and organizing her thoughts. There was a way out of this, there had to be. In a way, knowing that it was only Rodney she had to convince made her job easier. On the other hand, though ... maybe it would be easier to argue with a computer than to try to convince McKay he was wrong about something.

Easier to argue with a computer ... She opened her eyes. "Rodney."

"Elizabeth," he said, somewhat nervously, with a trapped-animal look to him.

"Rodney, I know you hate discussing this sort of thing, and I can't blame you." Seeing his eyes dart away from her, she hastily added, "I'm not going to try to play therapist for you, unless you want me to. But, Rodney, it's a computer. Whether or not you believe this is really happening, whether or not you want to play its game, making computers do what you want is one of the things you're good at. How do we beat it?"

She was glad to see the speculative, curious look return to his face -- it suited him far better than defeat and fear. "Well, somehow I doubt the classic Star Trek solution would work."

"What would that be?"

He stared at her in surprise. "Didn't you ever watch science fiction when you were a kid? What kind of childhood did you have? They'd always resolve these plots by making the rogue, sentient computer try to accept some kind of logical impossibility. It always broke down ... usually with some really bad special effects."

Elizabeth sighed and allowed her head to drop forward, lightly grazing the spikes. "Rodney, this is not a science fiction show; this is real life."

"My point exactly. The Star Trek solutions don't work in real life." He frowned. "Although, we are in another galaxy, fighting life-sucking aliens, with spaceships -- and Ronon even has something which disturbingly resembles a ray gun -- you know, Elizabeth, did you ever realize how closely our real life approximates a telev--"

"Rodney! Concentrate!"

"This is how I concentrate!"

Elizabeth heaved a sigh and raised her hands, carefully, to rest them against her temples. The nascent headache had coalesced into two small, hot points behind her eyes. What would John do? "All right, Rodney, so the Star Trek solution wouldn't work. What else can you think of?"

"Actually, Star Trek's not as far off as you might think," Rodney mused. Elizabeth bit down on her urge to comment that she knew nothing of the sort; at least he was working on the problem again, and she didn't want to derail him. "I mean, the whole idea is ridiculously simplistic and shows a complete lack of understanding of basic computer programming, naturally, but at least the TV writers do get the idea that a computer, no matter how intelligent-seeming, is only capable of reacting to inputs in a pre-determined set of ways. Of course, a computational intelligence this complex must have a phenomenally huge codebase and probably relies heavily on fuzzy concepts in its decision-making -- the question is how heavily, because that would affect how easily it can be manipulated by simply giving it the right set of inputs to produce the desired output ..."

Well, at least he was working on the escape problem -- at least, she assumed that was what he was doing. "Like with the Asurans?"

Rodney paused to frown at her. "What? No, not at all like the Asurans. That was a completely different -- well, come to think of it --"

The mellow tones of the Voice interrupted him, making Elizabeth jump. "Is this conversation part of the Advocate's examination of the guilt of the Accused?"

"Yes," Elizabeth lied promptly, and then asked, "Why does it matter? You said that we had unlimited time. Or ... wait ..." She tried to remember exactly how it had phrased its answer.

"This court will take the time that is needed to examine the case, no matter how long or short it may be. When progress is no longer being made, the trial will be over and the judging and sentencing phase will begin."

"Who determines whether progress is being made?" But she already knew the answer.

"We do."

Great. The big loophole. "Well, I can't possibly help Rodn -- the Accused examine his motives and ... so forth if I can't talk to him, which is what I'm doing right now."

"No," the Voice said in the patient tones of an adult correcting a child. "You are discussing ways of circumventing the court. As you are not willing to accept your responsibilities as an Advocate, this phase of the trial is declared complete. The judging and sentencing phase will now begin."

"Wait," Elizabeth breathed, and then louder, "Wait!" Rodney had frozen, still as a statue inside his glass prison.

"You may now leave. The Accused will remain."

Rodney's head snapped up. The blue eyes were wide and frightened, whether or not he believed in the reality of what was happening to him.

"No!" Elizabeth said sharply. "I'm not going anywhere without him. And I demand a retrial. It's not fair to hold us accountable for an arbitrary set of rules without telling us what the rules are."

After a brief pause, the Voice said, "The trial process has been determined to be fair to both parties. The mind of the Accused has been examined and his guilt is clear. The Accused is --"

"No!" Elizabeth cried with a vehemence that surprised her.

"-- found to be guilty of all charges. Sentencing will now begin."

"No!" She pressed her hands against the glass that surrounded her, heedless of the pain as the spikes drew beads of blood from her flesh. "Listen to me! This is wrong, this is --" But the Voice wasn't paying attention to her, and neither was Rodney; he was staring at the floor. The flashes of bright interest that she'd been able to awaken earlier had vanished, leaving only depression in their wake.

"Rodney!" She saw a shudder run through him. "Look, if you can't believe that you aren't to blame ... can you believe in us, at least? John's been guarding your body for over a day without food or sleep. I came in here to get you out, not knowing if I'd be able to return. No matter what you think you've done, Rodney, we don't blame you and this is how far we're willing to go for you."

He raised his head, and the hopelessness in his eyes frightened her. "Elizabeth ... please, God, just leave, would you?"

Anger rushed through her, quick and hot -- anger at the Voice, at the whole stupid situation, and at Rodney too, for being unable to believe in her after everything they'd been through. And that was what gave her the idea. Elizabeth caught her breath. "Voice, I'd like to make a suggestion for the punishment of the Accused. Is that allowed?"

"It is."

Rodney flashed her a quick look of confusion.

"I offer," Elizabeth said, her heart beating fast, "that he should be given an opportunity for atonement. You can read my thoughts, can't you? Then read this one: Sheppard is alive, and so are many of the other people that Rodney has, er, transgressed against. An entire city depends on him. Look into my mind, if you have to; see how we need him. Without him, all of us may die. Let him go back and make up for the things he's done. If you keep him here, you will condemn many innocents. If you release him, you will give him the opportunity to atone for his actions. If you can read our minds, even a little, then you'll surely see that he's not beyond redemption. Can't you see that?"

If she hadn't been so frightened and desperate, she might have laughed, as the apathy on Rodney's face was replaced by a look of disbelief and disgust. "Elizabeth, that's absolutely the stupidest thing I've ever heard --"

"Your suggestion is wise," the Voice said, with just a hint of surprise in its calm tones ... and that was the last thing she heard, as the glass prison and the room dissolved around her, fading into darkness. She had time for confused snatches of thought -- No! and Rodney! --

-- and then breath and sensation came back to her with a sharp sting of pins-and-needles. Elizabeth gulped down air. She was cold, so cold. Opening her eyes, she saw a blur of ceiling, with something dark moving across it. Blinking, focusing, she realized that the dark thing was John, who'd just stepped across her face.

"Stay back."

It took her a moment to recognize the voice that had spoken as Sheppard's. It was low, rough, ragged -- the voice of a man who hadn't slept in days.

"Colonel Sheppard, listen to me, please." This was Kate Heightmeyer's voice, coming from a little farther away. "It's been a day since Elizabeth, since she -- Colonel, you've been down here for two days and it's been a lot longer than that since you got any sort of proper rest. No one is blaming you for what happened to Rodney. No one is even blaming you for what happened to Elizabeth --"

"Do you think that's what this is about? That I'm sitting down here wallowing in self-pity?" He brandished the gun again, the shadow passing across Elizabeth's face.

John, she tried to say, but her mouth was too dry, her muscles too stiff. Summoning all the strength she possessed, she turned her head to the side, seeking Rodney. Surely it had worked, surely she hadn't come back alone ...

"We only want to help you, John." Heightmeyer's too-calm voice had moved a little closer.

"Yeah, that's why you talked Carson around to your side again."

A new voice spoke -- Ronon's deep rumble. The pain in that normally expressionless voice almost broke Elizabeth's heart. "Sheppard, don't do this."

"For God's sake!" He sounded strained and desperate and as close to breaking as she'd ever heard him. "Why the hell don't any of you believe me?"

There was a pause and then Kate spoke again, soft and soothing, a voice meant to lull the frightened, the wary ... the broken. "John, I know this isn't something you want to hear, but I think, deep down, you understand what you're doing to yourself, and why. You can get past this. Get through it. We'll all be here for you, every step of the way."

"I said stay back!" His voice cut across hers like the crack of a whip. "All they need is time. I plan to give them time. And the rest of you can just get the hell out of here."

Elizabeth took a soft breath when she saw Rodney's head twitch towards her. A flash of blue appeared between his lashes.

It worked. We're alive. Both of us. A smile tugged painfully at her dry lips. Shakily, she raised a hand to rub at her throbbing temples.

"Colonel, look at what you're doing to yourself." Carson's voice, from farther away -- hoarse and tired. "I want to believe as much as you do, but it's been two days and --" His voice trailed off into silence.

"What?" Sheppard demanded, and then he looked down, and breathed, "Elizabeth!"

He leaped over her in a bound, dropping to his knees beside her and cupping one hand under her head. "Elizabeth ... can you hear me?"

She blinked, tried to nod, and ran the tip of her tongue across her dust-dry lips. "Rodney," she tried to say, but all that came out was a breathy thread of sound. Her throat was so dry; she was so cold. She settled for rolling her eyes towards Rodney, trying to direct John's attention. Past Sheppard's legs, she saw that Rodney's eyes had fluttered fully open, though he had a glazed, unfocused look.

John followed her gaze, and then sat down, hard, on the stone floor. "Rodney," he said, sounding stunned.

Rodney's mouth twisted a little and he looked as if he was contemplating a typically acerbic response, but instead, his eyes drifted shut again.

Elizabeth didn't remember much of what happened next. There was a flurry of activity; she was bumped and jostled, and at some point, a blessedly warm blanket was tucked around her and she closed her eyes in bliss. She didn't think she'd fallen asleep, but when she next opened her eyes, she was looking up at a rippling canopy of leaves and voices were arguing over her head -- debating ways of getting a puddlejumper down into the overgrowth around the mouth of the temple, she understood as she tuned in on the words and then tuned out again. Rolling her head to the side, she traced a thin, translucent line from her wrist to an IV stand silhouetted against the sky. Another conversation was taking place next to her, Carson's voice saying: "... came back up nearly to normal, almost immediately, but still mildly hypothermic, and Rodney's ..." Then she drifted again, waking to the light vibration of motion around her. She'd been swaddled in so many blankets that she felt like a cocoon. One of her arms was free, the one with the IV, and a warm hand was wrapped around hers. She blinked up at Carson.

"Welcome back," he told her softly. "Are you with us this time, Elizabeth?"

"I think so," she whispered. "Where am I?"

"You're in a puddlejumper, heading back to the gate." His hand tightened on hers; she caught a glimpse of pain and guilt in his eyes before he looked away from her. "Elizabeth, I --"

She squeezed his hand, to the extent that she was able to do so. Her muscles felt limp as noodles. "Carson ... don't." She wanted to say more, but that was all that her dry throat could manage. And sometimes a few impromptu words, heartfelt, could mean more than a long and carefully planned speech. For all her lifetime's skill at manipulating language, it had taken the people here to teach her that.

His response was to squeeze her hand again; then he laid it down gently atop the blanket. Squinting past him, Elizabeth could make out another blanket-wrapped lump with a slender, bright-haired figure kneeling beside it: Teyla. She managed to whisper, "Rodney...?"

"Aye, he's doing well. You both are. I won't go into details -- to be honest with you, I don't understand half the details -- but it was as if your bodies were ... frozen in time. You're a wee bit dehydrated and your body temperature's low -- though not nearly as low as it should be -- but you'll both be fine."

Elizabeth smiled, relieved. John, she assumed, must be flying the jumper -- no doubt he wouldn't trust anyone else with it, considering the cargo it was carrying. She wanted to ask after him too, but weariness caught up with her and she sank back into the comfortable darkness.

The next time she woke, it was to the beeping of equipment and the antiseptic smell that meant she was in the Atlantis infirmary, along with a muted clattering sound that she couldn't quite recognize. Peeking out from under her eyelids, she saw that there was no longer an IV stand hanging over her, and wiggling her fingers confirmed that the IV had been removed. She was still tired, but not with the sheer exhaustion that had claimed her earlier. It was more like the peaceful weariness of total relaxation -- she felt lazy, calm, serene.

She stretched, and heard the clattering immediately cease, followed by a soft creak of bedsprings. Turning her head to the side, she saw Rodney on a bed next to hers, propped up on pillows and watching her intently. The clattering had been the sound of keys on the computer that was open in his lap. He was wearing scrubs, with a blanket across his lap. "Elizabeth? Decided to rejoin the living, I see."

From his unusually hushed voice, and the dim lights, she decided it must be night on Atlantis. She had no idea how long she'd slept, but was feeling too lazy and comfortable to care. Stretching again, she smiled at him, and the quick, crooked smile that she got in return warmed her to the bottom of her toes. She hadn't realized how convinced she had become that Rodney was dead.

"I'm supposed to call Carson when you wake up," he added. "May I note that I have no intention of doing so, since the man is sleeping for the first time in about three days and is clearly off his game. He'd be likely to stick you with something lethal and nobody wants to take that chance. You're clearly fine -- you're fine, right? You haven't said anything yet. You don't have brain damage, do you?" Worry radiated from him.

Elizabeth tried out her voice and found it a little hoarse, but serviceable. "I feel okay, Rodney, just tired. And thirsty."

"There's water on the bedside table. And Teyla figured you might be hungry, so she and Ronon stopped by earlier with sandwiches from the cafeteria. Here --" He started to lean forward and froze, hissing in pain.

Elizabeth pushed herself up on her elbows. "Rodney? Are you all right?"

"Of course not; do I look all right?" he snapped. "I'd be perfectly fine if some oaf hadn't broken my ribs in a misguided attempt at CPR."

The look he turned on the occupant of the bed next to him, though, was considerably less annoyed than he probably intended. Sheppard was lying on top of the blankets, fully clothed, and sound asleep. One hand was tucked up under his head.

"He wanted me to wake him up when you woke, too."

"You haven't," Elizabeth said.

"According to Carson, the man hasn't slept since forever. Of course I didn't wake him."

Their conversation hadn't awakened him, either; John was obviously sleeping the dead sleep of utter exhaustion. With his fist under his cheek and his hair even more tousled than usual, he looked like an oversized kid. Granted, an oversized kid with a Beretta holster strapped to his leg.

"Anyway -- sandwiches -- water -- bedside table. Ow, ow, ow." Grumbling, Rodney settled back against the pillows again.

The water eased her dry throat, and Elizabeth unwrapped a sandwich. A nurse, finally noticing their conversation in the corner, came over to ask if they needed anything. Elizabeth asked for another cup of water.

"We're both supposed to stay overnight for observation, which presumably means to see if some kind of delayed effect causes us both to drop dead," Rodney said as the nurse left. He shuddered and then winced when the motion twinged his ribs.

Elizabeth leaned across the space between the beds to pat his arm. "You don't look like you're about to drop dead to me, Rodney. And if you do, you couldn't be in a better place for it."

"Ah, sarcasm. You've obviously been spending too much time around Sheppard."

The nurse brought her the cup of water, and then checked her vitals. Elizabeth submitted good-naturedly to the examination and then tucked her legs up under her to finish her sandwich. She still felt relaxed and -- well, not really happy so much as just ... content. It was a lazy-Sunday-morning sort of feeling. She didn't really want to talk and break the mood; all she really wanted at the moment was some companionable silence with Rodney.

Unfortunately, Rodney didn't appear to do companionable silence. He fidgeted with his laptop, starting to type and then pausing, putting it off his lap and then picking it back up again. Finally Elizabeth said, as she folded the waxed paper that had wrapped her sandwich and placed it back on the bedside table: "What's the matter?"

"Matter? Nothing's the matter." He tried to look busy with the laptop, except that he was presently staring at the screen saver.

Elizabeth had never met a worse liar in her life. The man must have been a walking target in junior high. "Rodney..."

"Nope," he said quickly, "don't want to talk about it."

Oh. Oh. "Rodney, I don't want to talk about it either."

"Good. Good. Because we -- you -- I --" He waved a hand around. "That -- yeah, you --" Looked down at the laptop. "That. About the --? Yeah. It."

"Although I would be willing to talk about it if you want to," she offered cautiously.

"No," he said, shaking his head, "not at all."

"Good." Because, really, she didn't, either. She'd seen much deeper into Rodney's psyche than she really felt was her right as a friend. It wasn't that she thought any less of him -- although she hoped that he didn't think so -- but simply that it felt like a violation, to have gone there without his permission.

"Good," he agreed, and there was a brief silence before he started fiddling with the laptop again. "Listen, Elizabeth, one thing I did want to say, about this whole -- er, atonement thing, I don't know what you want me to -- I mean, I wasn't expecting you to ... and I really suck at ..."

"Rodney. Rodney." She repeated his name until she caught his attention. He looked up at her, and she smiled at him. "And just what, exactly, do you think you do each day, anyway?"

"Hmm?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"After we -- we got Sheppard back from Kolya, Rodney ... I'm well aware that you spent three solid days in the labs trying to devise a way to track down a gate address for an incoming wormhole."

Rodney frowned. "Yes, with a complete lack of success, I might add, making it a largely wasted three days."

"But we'll never have that breakthrough without looking for it, and in the meantime, based on your suggestions, we've also implemented some new safety protocols for the offworld teams. And I'm also aware that after the incident with Griffin, you and Radek went over the puddlejumper safety procedures with a fine-toothed comb, setting up new levels of redundancy in the safety checks and always having a backup jumper when you take a repaired one out for a test flight." She leaned forward, willing him to listen. "The point is that when you make a mistake, or when someone around you does ... the very first thing you do, as soon as you can, is try to fix it -- to make sure that not only do you never make that mistake again, but no one else in the City will do so, either. I'm right, aren't I?"

He looked away from her, staring off into a corner of the infirmary. "Yes, because I hate idiocy, particularly my own."

"I have full confidence that every mistake you make is one you'll never make again, Rodney."

He laughed sharply, then lowered his voice as Sheppard twitched in his sleep. "That's cold comfort to the people who have died because of those mistakes, Elizabeth. Or ... the ones that almost died."

Sometimes, she didn't know if the spectre of Doranda still hung between them, in his eyes, as it did in hers. But she smiled, just a little, and wondered if he could understand what she wanted to convey. "Because John, and me, and Carson and the rest of us never make mistakes."

"You're not geniuses." His lip twisted.

Elizabeth stared at him. "What kind of standard do you hold yourself to?"

"A quite reasonable one, or so I always thought."

"That precludes ever making a mistake?"

"Could we not have this conversation, please?"

"All right. But, Rodney -- there's nothing you have to do that you aren't already doing, you know? If the Voice couldn't see that, then it only means that it didn't know what it was looking for."

He stared at her for another moment, then shook his head and made a tiny hmph sound before returning his attention to his laptop.

Elizabeth rolled over and made an effort to sleep, but she wasn't really sleepy. In some sense, she'd been sleeping for days. Besides, her good mood was starting to trickle away as she contemplated the horrific amount of paperwork that must have piled up during the two days that Atlantis had been leaderless. And she needed to make sure that P3M-7R2 was locked out of the database, the sooner the better -- ruthlessly, she suppressed a twinge of regret for all those inscriptions that would remain undeciphered. The pursuit of knowledge wasn't worth risking more lives, not now, not with everything else they had to deal with.

What she should probably do was ask a nurse to bring her a laptop and start wading through a sea of email.

What she did instead was hop out of bed and pad, barefoot, over to the supply closet where she knew that the medical staff kept the entertainment supplies. There was a box of toys for the infrequent times that Athosian children were hospitalized, and for the adults, a pile of DVDs, books and comics that circulated into the infirmary from the communal supplies in the rec rooms. And there were also ... aha. Board games.

Rodney looked up as she came padding back over with an armload of flat cardboard boxes. "Torture is prohibited by the Geneva Conventions," he stated flatly.

"I'm not going to make you play anything, Rodney."

"I should hope not." He emphasized his disgust with a scornful-sounding snort, but didn't do a very good job of disguising his interest as he watched her spread out the boxes on the bed.

None of them could really be played effectively with one person, but Elizabeth suspected that she might not be playing alone for long, so she just sorted through them for something that looked interesting. She'd never much liked the ruthless capitalist overtones of Monopoly, and the game of Life was a bit too apropos these days. Elizabeth wondered why Carson even had that one in the infirmary -- but it did seem to be popular, judging from the crushed and overly-well-loved box. As she set it aside to get to the game of Battleship underneath, one side of the lid gave way and a small cascade of game pieces fell into her lap. Elizabeth sighed, picked up a handful of little pegs and cars -- oh, wait. Those weren't cars.

"Since when does the game of Life use colored puddlejumpers?" she wondered aloud, holding up the pieces.

Rodney glanced sideways at her. "What, you mean to tell me you haven't seen the Sheppard and Lorne version of Life yet? The whole Marine contingent was playing it for weeks. They wouldn't do anything else. Which beats the hell out of me, considering that most of us want to forget about the cloud of doom hanging over our heads when we're off duty."

"I must have missed it." Elizabeth opened the box and spread out the obviously custom-made board, curious and then entranced. She wouldn't have given Sheppard and Lorne credit for this much artistic ability. The little Atlantis at the start position was a bit cartoony, but quite recognizable, and she had to cover her mouth to suppress a fit of giggles as she began reading the words in the game spaces.

"Good trading season, collect $5,000 from every player." "Betrayed by Genii, go back three spaces." "You can buy ATA gene treatment for $10,000." Okay, this one hit a little too close to home: "Life sucked by Wraith, pay $100,000 for treatment at private clinic unless you own Wraith insurance. Lose one turn." (But really -- Wraith insurance?)

Rather than getting married and collecting children, as in the conventional game of Life, in this version you picked up ZPMs as you went along -- and rather than a spouse, you got to choose a team. Elizabeth wasn't normally a woman who went for cute, but this was quite possibly the most adorable thing she'd seen since coming to this galaxy.

Rodney looked up at her little muffled squeaks of laughter. "I can't believe you haven't seen that. It's been around for ... oh, ages. Zelenka accidentally got one of the Ancient devices in the lab to spit out the teeny Technicolor puddlejumpers. I think he might have spilled coffee on it, though he won't confess. We figured it was totally useless until the Marines made off with a pile of them."

"Oh, I have to try this." Elizabeth was already setting up a little red puddlejumper with a pink peg in its pilot's seat.

"Why would you want to? We live this."

"Yes, but this one has itty-bitty ZPMs, Rodney. Lots of them."

"If they could actually power the city, that might be something."

Elizabeth just shrugged and continued setting up the rest of the game board. Rodney, grunting with pain, set aside the laptop and swung his legs off the bed. Elizabeth looked up in surprise when a little blue jumper was plunked down next to her red one. She grinned.

"I knew you couldn't resist collecting ZPMs. Even fake ones."

He just snorted. "I'm only doing this because you need to see how silly this game is, before Sheppard wakes up and you sing its praises and he decides to make a Pegasus version of every board game ever devised by the twisted minds at Milton Bradley."

"Well, Battleship is a natural, and I could definitely see Risk with planets in place of countries ..." Elizabeth couldn't resist another very unprofessional giggle. "And maybe an Ancient-language version of Boggle ..."

"Okay, that's completely unfair. You'd always win."

"I don't know. Dr. Jackson could probably give me some competition. Oh, hang on a second."

She pushed the board aside and hopped down again, padding over to the bed where John slept.

"If you're going to pour water in his ear, I'll help."

Seeing John twitch in his sleep, Elizabeth shushed Rodney and pulled a blanket off the nearest unoccupied bed. She tugged it gently up over John's shoulders. He squirmed a little bit and then settled back with a long sigh.

She padded back to her bed. Rodney was giving her a look. She shrugged. "It's a little chilly in here. He looked cold."

"Do you want to find him a stuffed animal too? I'll wait."

"No, he's already got his gun."

Rodney's laugh was sharp and startled, and a little uncomfortable-sounding. It wasn't really that funny, Elizabeth realized. It was too close to reality. And that was the gun he'd used to guard their bodies for two days underground, with all of Atlantis and even the rest of his team against him.

If their bodies had been removed from the temple before the AI was done with them, Elizabeth had no doubt that they would never have awakened. Another one we owe you, John, she thought.

He'd watched them for two days. They could watch over him for a little while.

She turned her head down to hide her smile from Rodney, and rolled the dice, pushing her little puddlejumper out of the starting position -- out of Atlantis. You could stay at the starting line forever, but you'd never make any progress that way. She had a team to collect, and a game to win.





This story was requested by sgatazmy and her request was for a story showcasing the friendship between Elizabeth and Rodney, in which Elizabeth gets to show off her leadership qualities and Rodney learns something about himself. Many thanks to kodiak_bear and leenys for providing feedback and helping me through a rough spot in the plot.
This is just so awesome. I love that you wrote about the Elizabeth and Rodney friendship and managed to add John in there quite nicely. The voices were perfect, especially Elizabeth. You really showcased what kind of leader she is and how much her people mean to her. Just truly excellent.

And how bad do I want that board game now...
Thank you so much! It was a little bit of a different story for me to write, since I haven't focused on that particular character dynamic before. I'm glad you liked it. :)

And yes, I want that board game too. I'm kinda tempted to make the game board for it, if only in Photoshop...
Nice angst all around. I enjoyed the insights and the comfort at the end. Thanks :)
Well, that was definitely a good examination of Rodney and Elizabeth's relationship. Elizabeths plea for Rodney's life and answer for his atonement was well crafted.

Love the meaning of life - Atlantis style. I wonder if someone could make one of those for real. *stares into space wistfully*
Thank you! And yes, I loved writing about the game so much that I am actually tempted to make one now ...
Oh this was lovely. I love this version of the three of them. The three Musketeers of Atlantis. There is no love like Team+ love.
*smile* Thank you! I do love the "group=love" dynamic from the show, and wanted to try to capture it here.
This is a great take on the 'one of them undergoes a trial' theme, which is one of my favorites. It was nice to see Weir do something interesting for a change, and yay John! My hero. We should all be so lucky to have a friend like that. Thanks for the story.
Thank you very much! Even though the story was supposed to be Weir and Rodney-centric, I couldn't help slipping some of that devoted Sheppard loyalty in there. *grin* I'm glad you liked it.
I love this! I'm a sucker for a good dose of angst, and this fit the bill nicely. And as an added bonus, you even made me like Elizabeth. I have to admit that I'm not usually a big fan of the character, but I really like the way you wrote her and her interactions with Rodney.
*smile* Thank you!

I never used to like Elizabeth, but she's been growing on me this season. In my personal hierarchy of character favorite-ness, she's probably still on the bottom of the heap, but I like her relationships to other characters, if that makes any sense. She's not so much interesting on her own, as she brings out interesting facets in other characters. I found her difficult to write in this particular story without turning her into a bit of a Mary Sue ... which made me wonder if maybe one reason why the character on the show is difficult to empathize with is because she *is* a bit of a Sue. I think I'd like to do another story with her that focuses on her more playful side, because she clearly *does* have one on the show, and is usually most likeable when it gets to come out and play.
Sorry for the delay in responding.

Very nice. I particularly like how Rodney always refers to Sheppard as Sheppard. So many people have Rodney call him John (in an effort I assume to show us that that John and Rodney are best friends or something) but you did not and that helped to make the story seem more real. I know a small thing, but it is the little things that can make or break a fic.


I also liked story. I have been a little disappointed in how the writers have shown us that relationship over the past two seasons. I loved watching Elizabeth fight for Rodney.


And I love the Atlantis version of Life - I can see Rodney and Sheppard doing that...
Thanks so much! *smile*

So many people have Rodney call him John (in an effort I assume to show us that that John and Rodney are best friends or something) but you did not and that helped to make the story seem more real. I know a small thing, but it is the little things that can make or break a fic.

YES!! You know, the John thing is one of my handful of big SGA fanfic peeves. I can forgive it in some of the earlier stories, because in Season 1 the fanfic writers really didn't know how the characters were going to develop, but by this point, it just breaks me right out of the story -- it's a canon violation. Rodney calls him Sheppard, ALWAYS. To have him do otherwise is ... well, to violate canon.

Don't get me wrong here, I've read some quite good fanfics that I liked very much that had Rodney using John's first name, but it *still* jarred me, in the same way that, say, a typo would. It's certainly not going to kill a story for me. It's just ... a lapse in canon, and that bugs me, just like any other canon lapse would -- if the writer referred to Rodney having a brother rather than a sister, say. To me, it's the same sort of thing as that.

But it does depend on how it's done ... I've read a couple of fics that kind of goofed on the idea, like one of Kamelion's in which Rodney slipped and called him John, then swore it would never happen again (cute scene), or another one (I forget the author or title) that had a running joke where Sheppard kept trying to get Rodney to call him by his first name and Rodney kept insisting that his first name was actually "Colonel". In general, though, it's just ... overdone. It's like the evil Kavanagh thing, which is another of my peeves -- it was fun the first time, but not after 50 authors had used the same idea.

And yeah, it may just be a little detail, but it's all the little details that make the characters feel like Sheppard and McKay, rather than original characters who happen to share the same names.
OMG team-love!
It's a very moving story, too.
And he game at the end was such a wonderful, bittersweet touch!
That was wonderful!! You have such an excellent way of writing these characters and this look at Rodney's view of his own guilt is perfect and Elizabeth's solution was so Elizabeth.

My favorite line was this:

"Do you want to find him a stuffed animal too? I'll wait."

"No, he's already got his gun."

Thanks!!
*grin* I'm so glad you liked it! You have kodiak_bear to thank for Elizabeth's solution, at least partly; I absolutely could not figure out how to get him out of that situation, so I ran the story by her and she had some great ideas.

It really *does* seem like John's gun is his security blanket! He even seems to wear it when he's just bumming around Atlantis.
Excellent
Good golly gosh! Weir as she was meant to be! Here she is! She's been hiding for so long on the show, I'd forgotten she had all these talents! I wish the show would product a Weir as wonderful as yours.

And Rodney's guilt... I'm sure he does feel every single thing that he's "done wrong". He's the genius, right? He's not supposed to do anything wrong.

and Faithful Sheppard. So nicely done Great story!
Re: Excellent
Thank you for the wonderful feedback. :) I've never really made a serious stab at writing Elizabeth before, and I'm so glad that she came across well.

This was supposed to be a Rodney/Weir friendship story, but notice how Sheppard snuck in there anyway. ;)

I haven't posted this one on ff.net because one of my betas didn't like it, so I'm terribly insecure about it. But so far, it seems like it's getting good feedback ... maybe I should stop being a wuss and post it already. ;)
Oh god. This was...I feel so silly to say I'm crying but I am. This story is beautiful and god, so good.

This is the type of story I dream of reading. I love your Elizabeth and your Rodney is so wonderful and so spot on. Besides the fact that the concept of this story is brilliant, all the interpersonal relationships you've written are just perfect. I love the humor you’ve thrown in and the depth you’ve given to Elizabeth, when so often people seem to forget that she is a person, that she feels for the men and women she puts through the gate.

Wow! Thank you, inadequately, but very sincerely, for the wonderful feedback. *smiles* This is really the first time that I've written Elizabeth as a POV character for longer than just a vignette, and I enjoyed getting inside her head. I agree that many writers don't give her much to do.
Awww! I read this to take my mind of the crazy madness of having one day left before my deadline, and it worked like a charm. This is one of the most original takes on "presumed dead" I've seen - and also one of the best applications of a Red Dwarf plot! (Oh, man. Red Dwarf was low-budget BBC-scifi crack comedy, but it had the coolest plots, it really did! Not exactly characters you'd think would inspire the "aww", but they still managed quite well with me... Okay, tangent. Sorry.)

Elizabeth putting Rodney before her duties to the city - aww! I mean, she can justify it all she wants, but that's exactly what she was doing. That, and putting her life on the line for him, and it makes me so happy to see this part of her. ♥ Her insights into Rodney and John - she really does know them very well, doesn't she? And she cares for them more than she's supposed to!

One of my favourite parts was when she was figuring out the instructions, and John came up, and that moment of hurt and need because John isn't someone who'll give you a comforting hug, and Elizabeth knows this, and accepts it - finding a way to put him at ease, rather than trying to push some of her need on him, and - oh. Such a sweet, sad little scene, and so very in character!

The ending really makes me wish I was familiar with that game, "Life". I could gather what it was all about from the context, but it makes me want to Google it to check out how it's actually supposed to work, when there aren't jumpers and Wraiths and tiny ZPMs in it. Though even without that familiarity, the idea of an Atlantis-themed board game with miniature jumpers and ZPMs was just too cute, and Elizabeth and Rodney playing it together with John sleeping behind them made me squee! ♥
Thank you! ♥

And yay for the Red Dwarf plots! That show had some of the best ideas; it was pure mad genius. And yeah, they made me "awww" too; I always wished they'd go a little farther into friendship than they ever did, but the times when Lister would get all protective of his teammates turned me into goo. (And, oh! We were just talking a little while back about what John and the team do for Rodney in "McKay & Mrs. Miller", and trying to think of other examples, but Lister giving Rimmer the memory of his girlfriend in that one RD episode was exactly that sort of thing, wasn't it?)

"Life" is a pretty common family board game in the U.S.; you start at the start line with a little toy car and a peg in it representing yourself, then the squares that you land on determine the course of your life -- you'll get married, acquire children (more little pegs in the car), be assigned a career which determines how much money you make, suffer setbacks like being robbed or having your house burn down; maybe you'll win the lottery or take a vacation depending on which squares you land on ... and then at the end, whoever "retires" with the most money wins. (Kind of a disturbingly one-sided metaphor for life, actually.) In this version, the object of the game is to collect ZPMs...
I love this story very, very much. Mostly, I think, because neither John nor Elizabeth are about to give up on their friends - I love that kind of dedication.
Thank you! :)

I think that their dedication and devotion to each other is what I love most about the characters on this show.